Kate reclaimed her body image after a difficult marriage

Kate’s self confidence and body image had been destroyed during her abusive relationship. Once her divorce was finalised, she finally felt free and wanted to reclaim her body and celebrate this new chapter of her life with a boudoir photoshoot. Though she was so nervous and unsure before her shoot, she soon came out of her shell in the studio and we had such a giggle! She felt empowered by the experience and is now feeling a lot more confident about herself, her body and how she looks. She’s even learning to accept a compliment!

I have never felt comfortable or content with my body image and self confidence. Even before the days of social media I felt inadequate when comparing myself to others, and for the life of me I can’t even explain to you why I felt that way. I never felt pretty enough, or thin enough, or nice enough, and those thoughts plagued me for my teenage years and into my twenties and thirties.

It seems ridiculous when looking back, as you realise you were actually brilliant. I wonder how many of us women look back and think that? I would say it took until the grand age of 37 to begin feeling ok about my appearance. Don’t get me wrong, there are things I would change about myself still, and I think part of being a woman is never being 100% happy.

I feel quite confident about how I am now, and I have divorce to thank for that as I finally found Kate again! For too long I had been wife and mother and, whilst I cherished both roles, poor Kate was ignored and, for the most part of my 10 year marriage, forgotten.

During marriage I was emotionally, mentally, and at times physically abused. My physical appearance was mocked, from my forehead wrinkles looking like a horse’s nose to me being a ‘hef’ when I became a size 12. I was a size 8/10 my entire adult life, but my body changed having my beautiful children. It didn’t really bother me as I had 2 little munchkins who were my absolute world and I genuinely think all sizes are beautiful, but those comments over the years had rooted some deep scars and fed my insecurities. So I hated my body more.

When I got divorced, I finally felt free. Free to be Kate again, free to feel confident again, free to enjoy my life, and free to set my own rules. I saw myself differently but still felt under-confident when it came to body image, so I decided to book a boudoir shoot. I knew a little about them and I liked the thought of wearing lingerie and looking sensual. You are baring yourself and as a woman I think it is so important that we feel sexy, as too many of us feel it rarely. The few people I knew who had experienced one had told me it had made them feel amazing and I felt it may help me look at myself differently and see something in myself, that others saw, but I didn’t.

Feeling confident in a studio was more important than cost and proximity to me. I ended up looking at around 7 studios online in detail, focusing on their photo galleries to get a feel for the studio from the website, and to find real people’s views on their experience.

I chose Foxlow because every photo was stunning; there was a focus on every aspect of the body and I loved that there were photos of women of all different shapes, sizes, ages. Just by browsing the gallery, you could tell each woman felt amazing while they were having that photo taken. A part of me thought there is no way I can pose like that, because I am the clumsiest person out there, but I knew that they could help me. The website has a homely, cosy, welcoming feel, and the bios just make you feel welcome. I knew I would be looked after there, and after all I had been through I really did need people that would believe in me.

When I booked my shoot I was feeling nervous, but they invited me to join their Facebook group the Vixens of Foxlow and I was welcomed into a group of women who are a lot are like me. Some Vixens are preparing for their booked shoot, some have done a shoot, and some are still thinking. It is such a positive group it’s unreal, and you feel like you have entered an exclusive club. If you had a question, you could just ask and get so much helpful advice. The one major question for everybody is what are you going to wear and there are so many helpful hints and ideas that get put into that group.

I have to give special praise to the beautiful Danielle though as in a very panicky moment I just couldn’t get my head around what outfits to take. Thanks to the pandemic and going into debt I couldn’t buy myself anything new. Danielle was fantastic and one late Wednesday night she allowed me to basically spam her with pictures of outfits and talked me through some options to bring. I am so thankful for Danielle that evening as without her I would still have been panicking on the day but she made the preparing process easy. This showed me I had made the right choice in choosing such a supportive studio.

Before my shoot I felt the normal nerves that most of us will feel. Still unhappy with my body and I had planned to lose a stone ready for the day. Anxiety and depression have other ideas though and I didn’t, but Danielle had made me realise I needn’t worry. Plus you can always think of an excuse that you’re not ready. The day of the shoot I felt nervous, but honestly just the beautiful drive to the studio calmed me down. I also got there early as the little village it is situated in is so pretty that I had a lovely walk before my shoot. But honestly as I knocked on the door of the gorgeous building the studio is in, within seconds Danielle’s smile and manner calmed me and I became very excited indeed.

Makeup and hairstyling is something I never get done. As a busy working mum, my kids come first and I often get left until last, so how I arrived at the studio (makeup free with frizzy hair) is usually how I go about each day. Danielle made me a wonderful cup of tea and I sat down with Charlotte who asked me what I wanted from hair and makeup. I honestly had no idea, but being the expert that she is, I just told her I was a blank canvas for her to do what she wanted with. She did such an amazing job.

I have seen shoots where they go very heavy on the makeup but Charlotte kept to my natural skintone, and made me look very natural which is what we discussed during our time together. She did such a good job and asked my opinion on everything from eye to lip colour. She has an impressive choice of makeup that would make any woman jealous, so I think she could do anything you desired. I knew I wanted wavy hair and we had such a giggle while she was doing it. Honestly, everybody at this studio is super friendly. One more thing to mention about hair and makeup is that the room is so beautiful. It has a homely feel and keeps in touch with the beautiful building they are in.

The results were honestly fantastic and I just wish Charlotte would now teach me how she did it as I will not be able to achieve that again! The great thing is that the hair and makeup lasted all day which was fab. It is a shame that I wasn’t going out that night to make the most of it.

When you get to the point to have your photos taken you go into the studio and immediately see a few things: a huge bed, a chaise longue, a beautiful large window, you don’t really notice the camera equipment too much. The nerves came out a little bit, but you meet Jon the photographer and honestly he is just lovely as well. You can tell that Danielle and Jon have such a good rapport with each other and, when I say you can have a giggle with them, you really can.

Getting changed into my first outfit was scary as I really do have problems with my body. I remember coming out in my bodysuit and thinking “my muffin top is on show, what if my breasts pop out, what if I trip over in my stilettos”. I naturally talk too much, so I just said these thoughts out loud which made us all laugh.

I remember being on the bed, bum in the air and a camera in my face and saying to them both “It’s weird that this doesn’t feel weird!” and that statement is so true. They make you feel so at ease that you almost forget where you are. They talk and show you every single pose with both of them acting them out at times. They know exactly how to get the best from you, and all the time they are talking to you. I worried that it may be serious when I get to the studio, but I think they must adapt to every person as they certainly didn’t mind when I collapsed into fits of giggles, or came up with a random story to tell them.

At every stage I asked Danielle to tell me what to do, so she arranged my outfits in the changing area, told me which ones to put on, and I loved that I didn’t have to do the thinking. While you are posing you can just tell that they must be taking some nice photos. Jon is continually checking the pictures, changing the poses slightly to get the best angles and light etc.. and at all times they both communicate with you. I honestly had such a great time the whole way through and they both made me feel absolutely amazing.

I left the shoot that day feeling like the luckiest person in the world, a smile on my face the whole way home. I felt empowered, like a switch had gone off in my body and for that moment I could have taken on anything. I couldn’t believe I had just strutted around in my stilettos in skimpy lingerie in front of two strangers. Although they didn’t feel like strangers, they actually felt like old friends. Honestly this is how good they are at their job!

I got home and my daughter just said “Wow mum, you look happy” and that is the best compliment ever! It showed that even a 9 year old could tell I felt good. The high from doing the shoot lasted a long time, in fact until I saw my photos and luckily I did not have to wait long to do that.

I think Danielle could tell I was feeling excited and a little overwhelmed at seeing my photos. They were amazing. A few times I could feel my eyes welling up as I don’t often see myself or my body as beautiful, but they had captured so many stunning shots. One of the first things I was thinking was why did I feel like I had to lose weight to do this when I’m fine as I am? It honestly makes you think that way. Obviously you can lose weight for yourself, and I still will, but do not let this be a deciding factor to booking a shoot at Foxlow!

A lot of the photos I sat and thought “Is that even me?!" Danielle took her time with me to go through all of them so any I was not keen on we could put aside. She is a wonder woman though as one of my main things is I have huge anxiety about looking at my face, so some photos I struggled with. It shows how good Danielle, Jon and Charlotte are at their jobs as there is a photo in my ordered book of me looking at the camera. This is something I did not think I would be able to do.

Seriously though, the photos were amazing and looking at them brought back so many wonderful memories of being in the studio and how much fun I had. You remember every moment while looking at them and I loved reliving it.

The ordering process is easy. I told Danielle my price point and there is absolutely no hard sell at all. She then helped me get to the required number of photographs I needed. It was very hard to do as there are so many to choose from, and trust me you will love the majority, but there was no rush and I took my time, and between us we did it.

There are loads of packages you can choose from and I cannot wait to see my bookbound album! I also ordered a couple of prints that are going to be framed and up on my wall and I’m going to be enlarging one image as an alumini panel for my wall, just like I saw at the studio.

Since the photoshoot I have felt better about the way I look. I sit and look at my photos a lot and have shared a few of the ones I have already with others. I even had one as my profile picture on social media as I loved it so much! I have had nothing but positive feedback from everybody regarding the shoot, and I still can’t believe I did it. When I think back, I still feel that high! I feel like I should look at myself in a different way, and when I feel down I look at them and think you are fine, you can do this.

It is amazing how empowered you do feel. A boudoir shoot is honestly something I loved doing and I would do again in a heartbeat! I have even learnt that women should support other women at all times and we should all learn to accept a compliment. It’s hard I know, but we should give them and be happy to receive them at all times. This has been hard for me to do but now when somebody says I look nice, I try to actually believe them.

So for those thinking “Shall I do one?” or “I’ll do it when I’ve lost my weight” or “I don’t think I could do that” the answer is you can and do not wait! You look amazing as you are, you do not need to change. You are beautiful and it will be one of the most empowering things you do! Plus, if you want to change how you look then you should do one straight away and then when you have changed, it’s simple, book another. That’s what I’m going to do!