‘Tomboy’ Toni Learned How to ‘Celebrate Her Awesome’!

What began as a ‘screw you’ to everyone who had brought down Toni’s body confidence over the years became an opportunity to ‘celebrate her awesome’! This self-proclaimed tomboy now sees herself as a confident, stunning woman who had the courage to put herself out there.

As a youngster I was never overly body confident. I’ve always been a ‘chunky’ girl, and was never one for hair, make up and the latest clothes fashions or bothered about the ‘magazine perfect’ image of a girl/woman that I could be.

As I became a teenager, there was more emphasis on looking like the ‘magazine perfect’ Barbie doll and, as I was still a bigger girl to most, my body image and self confidence wavered then stayed low for the majority of my adult life. There is a certain dread with going clothes shopping with your mates when they are all a size 14 or less, and you are considerably bigger, adding yet more fuel to the lack of self-confidence fire.

When you spend most of your formative years being told you are too fat, too big and not the right size enough, it does tend to stick.

I booked my photoshoot as a bit of a screw you / middle finger to the people who brought me down about my size and weight, including my ex-partner. A few years ago he cheated on me with a woman half my size and nothing that matched my physical attributes at all. So of course that was another kick in the teeth on the body confidence.

Booking this photoshoot was a way to make me feel better about being me, even if the photos were nothing like I expected (they were so much better!). Being in therapy and trying to build that confidence helped my decision to book and I was made accountable for my actions if I cancelled… that was the big push for me, I’m really good at talking myself out of doing things that I probably should!

Danielle helped so much before I even got through the door of the studio. A lovely care package full of guides arrived in the post with all the help and advice I could ever hope for. They included shopping ideas and some helpful hints on what I needed to think about, plus guidance on what freedoms I had to express me and my interests through the photos. Jewellery wasn’t even a thought before I read through them, along with the props I could and couldn’t bring (still a shame I couldn’t get a full-sized motorbike in!).

On the day of the shoot, I must say I was so nervous driving to the beautiful location. It was a blur of ‘stop being an idiot, you can do this!’ and ‘wow, the countryside is really pretty’ comments on a continuous loop until I parked up. Before that moment, it wasn’t a thing, but then it hit me what I was about to do. Something so far out of my comfort zone.

I considered calling and cancelling the whole thing… I’m glad I didn’t.

Danielle and Jon were so welcoming and made me feel totally at ease as soon as I walked through the door. They could both tell how nervous I was and yet made me feel like we’d known each other for an age. Again, THANK YOU both so much for that. I guess you see it every day, however for a nervous wreck like I was it makes a huge difference.

Once the get-to-know-you part was over and the outfit selections done it was time for Danielle to transform this tom-boy ex-rugby-player into a glamorous woman, and what wonderful work you do! As I have some weird skin allergies, Danielle checked at every step that the make up being used and the hair products to tame my mop was fine on my skin, and in fact we chatted like old friends which made it more relaxing and settling. I’m sure I was shaking so much it made her life harder! It was nice to be pampered for that time, and it helped settle the nerves. 

Once that was done, then came crunch time - that actual getting changed and stepping out in front of the camera!

So changed and ready to step out, the curtain opened and I froze. Danielle waiting patiently outside, giving me the time and space to step out in my own time. Words of encouragement really helped me, as they made me see that there were three of us in the room, that was it. There was nothing scary about that at all. Again, I am so glad I stepped out and did it! 

The shoot time itself is a bit of a blur, it was all over so quickly, however, it was such an amazing and freeing experience. There were various outfit changes (thanks Danielle for your assistance with straps and clips) and poses of all types. It was NEVER expected that I knew what I was doing, all poses were fully explained and demonstrated before I did them, with guidance for hand positioning and facial expressions and other little things to make it the best it could be. There was no rush for anything - changing, positioning and confidence gathering before any shot was taken by Jon.

After the shoot was done it was time for some food and to reflect on the fact that I had just done something I never thought I would do on a Friday, and come back down to Earth a bit. I was elated! The whole day had gone by in a bit of a blur and was a whirlwind, but I loved every single minute of it.

Soon it was time to go back to the studio to view the photos, and that was the nerve-racking bit. What would the photos look like? Will I actually look good or will it be like those unflattering shots I get when out with friends?

These questions were running through my mind before I stepped back through the door. My first reaction to the photos, was ‘Is that me?’ The photos are incredible! I asked what magic was used to make me look like that?! I was assured that that is me, and no magic needed or used!

With every shot that I viewed, I saw something I haven’t seen in so long - a confident, stunning woman who had the courage to put herself out there and now has a reminder of a wonderful experience. 

Since the shoot, I have definitely noticed that I have more confidence in myself. I’m more willing to wear the tighter clothing and the more revealing things instead of jeans and a baggy t-shirt everywhere I can get away with it. Family and friends have noticed too, with one of them stating that ‘It’s about time you celebrated your awesome!’.

All in all it was a wonderful, confidence boosting experience that I will advise anyone to do!!